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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 12:57 pm 
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Alba ca Zapada
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YESTERDAY NEWS: A nun jogging in the park was raped.

TODAY'S NEWS: Hundreds of nuns are jogging in the park!


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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 4:17 pm 
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vechi da' fain

CUM SE FAC AFACERILE
Jack: "Vreau sa te insori cu o fata pe care o aleg eu."
Fiul: "Imi voi alege singur mireasa."
Jack: "Dar fata este fiica lui Bill Gates."
Fiul: "Ei bine, in acest caz..."
Apoi, Jack se intalneste cu Bill Gates.
Jack: "Am un ginere pentru fiica ta."
Bill Gates: "Dar fata mea este prea tanara pentru casatorie."
Jack: "Dar tanarul este vice-presedinte la Banca Mondiala."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in acest caz..."
In sfarsit, Jack se duce sa se intalneasca cu presedintele Bancii Mondiale.
Jack: "Iti recomand un tanar pentru a fi vice-presedinte."
Presedintele: "Dar deja am mai multi vice-presedinti decat am nevoie."
Jack: "Dar tanarul este ginerele lui Bill Gates."
Presedintele: "Ah, in acest caz..."


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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 4:24 pm 
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Un bogat bancher evreu isi insoara baiatul.
- Simon, fiule, maine zburam la Tel Aviv pentru nunta ta. Imi dau brusc seama ca nu ti-am spus multe lucruri despre viata. De maine vei fi impreuna cu sotia ta, trebuie sa stii unele lucruri. Uite, spre exemplu, cunosti degetele de la mana ?
- Sigur, tata, degetul mare, aratator, mijlociu, etc
- Nu, fiule, stai sa-ti explic : exista degetul calatoriei, al directiei, al placerii, al casatoriei si al distinctiei.
- Ah, nu stiam asta, tata.
- Degetul calatoriei este degetul mare, care iti permite sa faci autostopul ; degetul directiei – indexul -, il intinzi casa indici un anumit lucru ; degetul casatoriei – inelarul -, pe care pui verigheta, iar degetul distinctiei – cel mic – pe care-l ridici cand bei cafea.
- Am inteles, tata, dar ai uitat degetul placerii.
- Ah, Simon, l-am lasat pe cel mai bun la sfarsit? degetul placerii este degetul mijlociu, cel mai lung si mai frumos? pentru placere, fiule? il umezesti cu limba? si numeri bancnotele.








Cei care s-au gandit la altceva, in genunchi si sa recite 4 Ave Maria J


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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 4:26 pm 
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Ştire la OTV: Gold Corporation cere autoritatilor permisiunea de a sapa la Rosia Montana in cautarea Elodiei…

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„Poti sa ai si esecuri, poti sa ai si succesuri... pot sa fie oameni care nu vor sa vorbesc cu tine“


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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 4:59 pm 
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„Poti sa ai si esecuri, poti sa ai si succesuri... pot sa fie oameni care nu vor sa vorbesc cu tine“


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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 5:08 pm 
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pitika wrote:
Ştire la OTV: Gold Corporation cere autoritatilor permisiunea de a sapa la Rosia Montana in cautarea Elodiei…

pai n-au gasit-o? :shock: m-am uitat intr-o seara la nasul si tot arata o fotografie, n-am avut rabdare sa stau pina la dezlegarea misterului, m-am gindit ca i-or tras-o b1 lu danutz si or gasit-o :lol:


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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 5:49 pm 
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Alba ca Zapada
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Ei, facusem si io un topic cu poze, da' nu-i bai Pitik. Image :lol: :lol:
E imediat sub asta si scrie "poze funny" Image


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 Post Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 10:10 am 
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scuze... e vazut, l-am vazut, da am crezut ca decat pentru poze - iar asta era caricatura :lol: promit sa nu mai fac :wink:

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„Poti sa ai si esecuri, poti sa ai si succesuri... pot sa fie oameni care nu vor sa vorbesc cu tine“


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 Post Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:51 pm 
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Alba ca Zapada
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After marriage, how couples behave !!!
:lol: :lol:
Dating process:
6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

Back from Work:
6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

Gifts:
6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

Phone Ringing:
6 weeks : Sweety, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.

Cooking:
6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

Apology:
6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??

New Dress:
6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

Planning for Vacations:
6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Switzarland or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What's so bad about going to Island on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home???


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 Post Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 5:54 pm 
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Se spune ca, in desert, nisipul este atat de fierbinte incat poti sa
prajesti oua pe el. Din cauza asta camilele au picioare atat de lungi.


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 Post Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 11:51 pm 
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Image

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you will not ignore my signature! :lol:


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 Post Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2007 10:19 am 
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Un rus se scoala dimineata si vede tancuri cu steagul Americii in fata casei.
Iese urland: "freedom,freedom!!!!".
Un soldat iese din tanc: "niet freedom. HALLOWEEN!!!"

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it took 9 years for scientists to crack the human genome just to tell me I share 60% of same DNA as a banana


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 Post Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2007 9:57 pm 
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Alba ca Zapada
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http://emailjokes.co.za/stream/41360goo ... 1360_1.wmv :lol: :lol: :twisted: :twisted:


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 Post Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2007 9:13 pm 
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Alba ca Zapada
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Pretul creierului

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
In spital se afla un pacient grav bolnav.

Rudele se adunasera in sala de asteptari, iar, in final, intra un medic
obosit si abatut.

"Imi pare rau ca trebuie sa va dau o veste proasta," spuse privind
fetele ingrijorate "singura speranta pentru ruda d-voastra este
transplantul de creier. Este inca experimental, riscant si din punct de
vedere economic intru totul pe seama d-voastra."

Rudele ramasesera asezate, ascultand vestile proaste.
In sfarsit, unul intreaba: "Ca sa stim, cat costa un transplant de
creier?"
"Depinde," raspunse medicul " 5.000 euro e creierul de barbat, 200 euro
cel de femeie."

Se lasa o lunga perioada de linsite, timp in care barbatii din sala
incercau sa nu rada si evitau privirile femeilor, chiar daca unii
zambeau.

In final, curiozitatea il impinse pe unul sa intrebe: "Dle. doctor, de
ce aceasta diferenta de pret?"

Medicul zambi la aceasta intrebare atat de inocenta si raspunse:
"Cele femeiesti costa mai putin pentru ca sunt creiere folosite,
celelalte sunt ca noi."


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 Post Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2007 10:04 pm 
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un banc usor misogin :mrgreen:

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 Post Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2007 11:36 am 
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5At8izol35g

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„Poti sa ai si esecuri, poti sa ai si succesuri... pot sa fie oameni care nu vor sa vorbesc cu tine“


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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 5:59 pm 
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Top this for a speeding ticket...

Two traffic patrol officers from North Berwick were involved in an unusual
incident, while checking for speeding motorists on the A-1 Great North
Road.

One of the officers (who are not named) used a hand-held radar device to
check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was
surprised when the speed was recorded at over 300mph. The machine then
stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it.

The radar had in fact latched on to a NATO Tornado fighter jet over the
North Sea, which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the Border
district.

Back at police headquarters the chief constable fired off a stiff complaint
to the RAF Liaison office.
Back came the reply in true laconic RAF style.
'Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this
incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the
Tornado had automatically locked on to your 'hostile radar equipment' and
sent a jamming signal back to it. Furthermore, the Sidewinder Air-to-ground
missiles aboard the fully-armed aircraft had also locked on to the target.
Fortunately the Dutch pilot flying the Tornado responded to the missile
status alert intelligently and was able to override the automatic
protection system before the missile was launched'.


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 Post Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 11:30 am 
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-Dle.doctor,va rog sa ma ajutati in legatura cu sotul meu.
-Ce anume il supara?
-Nu-l supara nimic,doar ii plac ciorapii de dama.
-Bine,doamna,dar este ceva normal,tuturor barbatilor le plac. E cat se poate de firesc. Chiar si mie imi plac…
-Simpli sau cu mustar?


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 Post Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 11:35 pm 
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Alba ca Zapada
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oichvZGvcU4


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 Post Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 12:14 am 
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kill zee bunny

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 Post Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:57 pm 
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Alba ca Zapada
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Maria - servitoarea - i-a cerut doamnei , o marire de salariu.
Doamna noastra, cam suparata pe chestia asta, a-ntrebat-o:

- Bine Maria, ia spune-mi mie, de ce vrei sa-ti maresc salariul?
- Sunt 3 motive pentru care vreau un salariu mai mare. Primul, este
ca eu calc camasile mai bine decat dumneavoastra.

- Cine ti-a spus chestia asta?
- Pai, domnu'!

- Aha!
Si Maria continua:

- Al doilea motiv este ca eu gatesc cu mult mai bine de cat
duneavoastra!...
- Asta nu-i adevarat! Cine ti-a spus prostia asta?

- Pai tot domnu'...
- Aaahaaa!

- ... Si al 3-lea motiv este ca eu fac dragoste si mai bine decat
dumneavoastra!

Doamna, surprinsa si foarte suparata, pe un ton insinuant:
- Si asta, tooot domnul ti-a spus-o! Nu-i asaaa?
- Nu doamna! Asta mi-a spus-o gradinarul!...

Si uite asa, Mariei i s-a marit salariul...


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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 4:40 pm 
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http://sprott.physics.wisc.edu/pickover/esp2.html

primu` care te prinzi care-i smecheria, ai un pepsi la 2L de la mine :lol:

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it took 9 years for scientists to crack the human genome just to tell me I share 60% of same DNA as a banana


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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 4:52 pm 
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noire wrote:
http://sprott.physics.wisc.edu/pickover/esp2.html

primu` care te prinzi care-i smecheria, ai un pepsi la 2L de la mine :lol:
Shut up, e banala. Le inlocuieste pe toate, rosu cu caro, caro cu rosu, trefla cu pica, pica virgula cu trefla. Ai tu de la mine o bere, la 0.33 :P

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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 4:55 pm 
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bine ca esti tu dastept...

cum era bancu ? :lol: :lol:

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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 5:01 pm 
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http://sprott.physics.wisc.edu/pickover/esp4.html explicatiile sunt bestiale.

Quote:
From Marcela S.:
Okay-- that was way too freaky for me!!! I do admit it was awesome but at the same time it scares me because it seems that there is no limit to the power of our minds -- or yours at least -- that could be good or it could be bad. Have you ever considered that we may not be meant to use all the power our brain has because it could lead to our destruction?? Just a thought!! Thank you!!


Quote:
From: "Andrew T."

WOW! Me and my five friends played the game, and it turned out we each chose different cards and you removed ALL SIX of them! WOW! It was AMAZING!!!!
:idea:

ahahaha



Quote:
Right ! I have had enough, i own and run my own business - a newagents and at the minute all of my customers are talking about it - one of them thinks he has sussed it out after spending 28 hours trying to master the technique!

i thought to myself that all of my customers are refering me to this website and so i thought to try it myself and it is absolutly amazing!!!

shouldn't this technique be out in the real world making millions and millions of dollars ?????

i live in england and found the site amazing that i have made a poster of the site to make sure friends and family go onto it for sure and check it out !!

many, many thanks for this spooky adventure you have sent us all on, i will find the way you do it ! , you will see !!

thank you once again,

Anand

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